Have you ever spent a sleepless night with disturbing thoughts?
Well, if you haven’t you are very lucky. But if you have, you will probably relate to this feeling.
I was alone. In the room, in my world. Some disturbing things had happened that day. Some careless mistakes, some angry reflexes, and some more shit.
I was trying to have a conversation with my conscious, but I was not sure I understood the conversation. It was complicated. I was trapped between right and wrong. But I didn’t know how right and how wrong.
There was anxiety. I wanted to do something about this problem. Yeah, problem. But I could not think of one correct solution. I could think of many melodramatic solutions but they involved using my weaknesses…. just like that day’s disturbing conversation where I had used my weakness.
I took a sleeping pill. No use. I ate something. No use. I tried to think of a nice song but couldn’t think of any. I tried to remove all negative thoughts from my mind. Didn’t work. I tried to meditate. Could not do that either.
Finally, my body gave in and I fell asleep at 6:00am. At 8:00 when the alarm woke me up, I was sleepy, but at peace.
I don’t know what happened in those 2 hours of sleep. Something I might never know. But in the morning everything was crystal clear. I knew where I stood. I knew where I was wrong and where I was right. I had realized my limitations and I knew my positives.
The world was normal again.